20th December 2010
There is something in each one of us that has always moved to a rhythm of a dance that is unseen by others. This is the orphan within, the part of us that longs to belong, that seeks to be sought and that yearns to be perfectly understood and loved. For so long we have dealt with each other as if we are possessions – my wife, my son, my friend. As my possession you need to behave in certain ways in order to get my approval: as my lover you need to be sexy and entertaining, as my child you must obey, as my husband you must provide. Add to this our role as cogs in the economic machine of ‘life’ and we can easily see the ways we lose touch with each other while looking as if we are connected.
These next few weeks are unravelling the way in which we possess and are possessed. In order to move on to the next stage of evolution each of us must be sovereign unto ourselves whilst held in a net of love and light. Our co-dependent attachments are completing.
You might have noticed lately that Saturn is making a channel with the North Node, connecting the Spleen Centre to the G Centre. They’ve been there since 8th December and will remain together in that channel until 17th March.
This presages change at the physical level, a place where we are not very conscious, and yet it’s a part of our lives that affects us profoundly. We can be very uncomfortable with our bodies and their limitations and ills. We can be very unconscious about how our hormones and the electrical circuitry of our minds and emotions drive our lives.
This is also a channel that seeks perfection in it’s creations. Each of us seeks to create our own experience of perfection, beauty and harmony. Saturn and Haumea in Gate 57 are linking our capacity for relationship with our power to endure and manifest as individuals. It’s as if we have come to the end of what beauty we can create alone, but are terrified of the alternatives. And that’s because we can remember, even if only at the cellular level, the horror of past wrongs between family, friends and lovers.
It’s that horror we are clearing from our cells now. And when I talk about cellular clearing I am talking about readjusments to the endocrine system, adrenals and the nervous system in particular. I’ve got so many strange and unusual symptoms just now that I would probably be pronounced dead if I had a medical checkup! (Thank you Neptune in my Spleen Centre!!). In fact I am doing the highly unusual, and getting a checkup next week just to make sure there’s nothing I need to pay attention to. What we may notice is past life physical symptoms begin to clear, so they may come and then go quite mysteriously. Go see your doctor if you are concerned.
The Moon pops in momentarily to aid in the process of correcting family patterns, always giving us the impetus to choose our own joyfulness over anyone else’s ideas of how we should live our lives. As I write this blog la luna is in Gate 18, connecting the Sun conjunct Pluto with Saturn conjunct Haumea and that is perfect!
Saturn is a bit like the circus ringmaster just now, aspecting a few interesting characters –
Ixion, (26.1) who was the first mortal found guilty of kin-slaying when he murdered his father-in-law. He was also the father of the Centaurs, who represent transformation via woundedness. Ixion found himself bound to a wheel forevermore by Zeus after attempting to sleep with Zeus’ wife Hera. Zeus had actually slept with Ixion’s wife Dia, but didn’t see that as having any bearing on Ixion’s punishment!
This reflects something of the Eris story as well, asking us to be clear within ourselves where the blame is being cast by the head of the family, and how fair or otherwise the punishment may be. I believe that Ixion, having just completed an activation with the South Node (15) has been clearing our collective karma around past life ill treatment of family since 5th November 2010.
Narcissus, (26.1) who was so exceptionally proud that he failed to appreciate those who loved him. As divine punishment he fell in love with his own reflection in a pool, not realizing it was merely an image, and he wasted away to death, not being able to leave the beauty of his own reflection.
Pholus is also in gate 26.1. He can represent parts of our nature we are not yet in touch with, something waiting to manifest. In combination with Heracles (63.5) who was partly responsible for the death of Pholus, this is the human part of ourselves stumbling around trying to make sense of things, trying to do the best we can, but feeling almost blind, as if our strength and curiosity work against rather than for us.
Pholus is letting us know that if we take small steps to replenish relationships, take pleasure in each moment and stop postponing our own happiness we will make great leaps forward. Pholus is saying the slower you go, the faster you’ll move forward.
Gate 26.1 speaks of finding our power and nurturing it’s growth by finding hidden dangers and regaining conscious control of our direction. It’s as if, enamoured of our own ego self, we betrayed those who would have loved and supported us, and so lost our safe base in life. Over many lifetimes we have been on both sides of the drama, hiding our guilty fear of being found out as the bad guy, but also worrying about being hurt again while wearing our good guy hat. That drama has been hidden behind veils of guilt, shame and fear, but the veils are being lifted this week.
Adding to the family context is Mercury conjunct Dwarf Planet candidate Quaoar in Gate 26. The conjunction was exact on Christmas Day and will be again on the New Moon on 4th January 2011. My reading of this, taking in a whole lot of subtle connections, is that we are getting a chance to become more conscious of how our ego selves may create chaos rather than consciously step up into our own perfection. Worried we may be left behind or move ahead too quickly, we want to stay put with those we love, not realising that we all want to move on and if we open up truthfully we can do so together.
Unfortunately, our tendency to try to stay put simply prolongs the difficulties for all of us, as it continues to mask the underlying family dynamics that created the problems in the first place. Remember Pholus is about to join Quaoar in gate 26 and Pholus is an unseen force within us, drawing us forward.
Quaoar is one of the creative energies that operates out past Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. It is pure manifestation without karmic baggage, and asks only that you allow it to flow through you without hindrance from past fears. In Gate 26, there is considerable interference from the ego self who wants to run the show. The adjoining Gate 44 is so chock-a-block I’m not even going to go there except to say we can get caught up in going round and round the wheel like Ixion if we don’t let ourselves off the karmic hook.
And of course there’s more but let’s take it slow and steady :). Remember to nourish yourself (Persephone in 27 and Ceres in 60), practice dissolving into your powerful immortal goddess self (Sedna in 23 opposite Venus 43) choose to be joyful in the moment no matter how things may appear to be on the surface, and to care for your physical body as it goes through this massive cellular shift to release the past.